FUNNY STUFF? WELCOME to 2015• Our Phones–Wireless • Cooking – Fireless • Cars – Keyless • Food – Fatless • Tires –Tubeless • Dress – Sleeveless • Youth – Jobless • Leaders – Shameless • Relationships – Meaningless • Attitudes–Careless • Babies – Fatherless • Feelings–Heartless • Education–Valueless • Children–Mannerless • Country–Godless We are SPEECHLESS, Government is CLUELESS, And our Politicians are WORTHLESS Darn Women Drivers This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds to continue shaving and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily, but she scared me so much I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped My electric shaver which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs! Splashed and burned my legs, ruined my phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. - - - Darn women drivers Funny Quotes I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. My people skills are just fine. It's tolerance to idiots that need work. Be careful when you follow the masses... sometimes the "M" is silent. I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you. I hate it when the voices in my head go silent... I never know what they are planning. I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing. When your dead, you don't know your dead. It's only difficult for others. It's the same way when you're stupid. Calm down, take a deep breath, and hold it for about 20 minutes. I never argue, I just explain why I'm right. Don't confuse my personality with my attitude... My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are. Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I'm not in a mental asylum... Then I take a look around and realize... Maybe I already am. 4 out of 3 people struggle with math. They say money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye. There are 3 kinds of people in this world; those who can count, and those who can't. If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working. Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered... "who ties your shoelaces for you?" I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth. If people could read my mind... I'd get punched in the face a lot. I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue all the time. So when is this "old enough to know better" supposed to kick in? Who knew being with you was simply a personal invitation to hell. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonferful stroke of luck. - Dalai Lama I don't get smarter as I get older. I just run out of stupid things to do.Horrifying Letter From Camp Parents Receive This Horrifying Letter From Their Son Who Is Away At Camp… Dear Mom & Dad, We are having a great time here at camp CatchaCough. Our Scoutmaster is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Charlie when it happened. Oh yes, please call Charlie's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster got mad at Charlie for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Charlie said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas could blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also, some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster said that with a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Our Scoutmaster is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Travis how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there is logging trucks. This morning all the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Charlie was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster is crabby like some of the scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad at us for forgetting the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When David drove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also, Raymond and I threw up. Scoutmaster said it was probably just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Your son P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot? 1
